The Man I wanted to be & The Woman I Wanted
by Jasmin Kaiba
Summary: She had his heart in her grasp and in this night it would be decided whether she'd shatter or cherish it. He was pretty sure it was the first.Rogan/Sophie R


**The Man I Wanted to be & The Woman I Wanted**

**By Jasmin Kaiba**

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The return to Hartford was something he didn't want, but he had certain obligations to fulfill. His father was still probably his worst enemy, but it's been years, and his mother would've gone crazy, if he'd declined yet another invitation to yet another stuffing, boring party full of old people and talk about things he didn't even want to think about. But a promise is a promise, and he'd promised his mother he'd be there.

The party was at the Gilmore estate, that name and that house woke memories, good and bad and he wasn't sure if he was ready to face 'her', she'd be there, she had to, her grandmother is Emily Gilmore, there was no saying 'no' to Emily Gilmore, not from anyone, and not from Rory. He missed her. He missed those shining, innocent blue eyes, that sparkling smile, her voice, her laugh like the chiming of bells. He sure still loved her, who once loved that girl, wasn't ever bound to forget and let go. That was her charm.

He entered the Gilmore mansion with a sigh on the lips and a stone on the heart. He wondered for the thousands time that day if she had someone she loved. She was bound to, that girl had always had guys falling before her feet, she must have a boyfriend, if not even husband. Maybe someone from the society, to please the grandparents, maybe some random guy, like every other, to make right to her mother's preaching, but maybe it was someone both mother and the grandparents could say yes to. It was a painful thought, but a very clear possibility. The countless girls he's been with since he'd last seen her, were forgotten the moment they were out f his bed, and even in his bed he couldn't remember their name, hers kept repeating itself in his head, and no matter if the other girl was red-haired, blonde, brunette or black-haired, he'd always see her reddish brown locks and enchanting blue orbs. She had his heart in her grasp and in this night it would be decided whether she'd shatter or cherish it. He was pretty sure it was the first.

Running a slightly shaky hand through unruly blonde hair, he took a deep breath and entered the big salon that was bustling with people. Ironically enough, his mother was the first person her really spotted. Walking over to her, he kissed her cheek and exchanged a few words with her. He was anxious to move on, to make the obligatory rounds, in hopes to see 'her', somewhere, anywhere.

With a promise to come back to her, he turned away from his mother and there she stood, perfect in her beauty. The knee-length, shimmering, blue cocktail dress clung to her every curve like a second skin, the almost nonexistent, thin white holders around her shoulders gave her skin a somewhat transparent look, the darker blue bow on her right hip, added an innocent touch to the otherwise very sexy dress. Her hair was left free to curl around her face, neck and shoulders and tumble down her back to her waist in a shinning brown waterfall. Only a ghostly touch of make-up adored her pretty face, icy blue and powdery white around large sky colored eyes, almost colorless pink lip-gloss on pouty lips and a whisper of blush on white cheeks. She was a vision, a fairy, an angel, she was perfect.

He wanted to go over, to say hello, to speak with her, to look deep into those eyes, see her smile and hear he laugh, but he couldn't move from one place, his legs felt like stone, and he felt like even if he somehow managed to move his limbs that he'd just fall flat on his face or walk straight into a wall, his brain wasn't functioning at all.

How he missed her, his beloved little Mary, she was so grown up.

The she turned in his direction and a smile that could out-shine the sun took over her face. In the next second she was running, no, she was 'floating' to him and all he could do was gape at her.

But that fantasy ended soon enough as she rushed past him and he could hear her hugging someone behind him. Dreading the next moment, he turned around and found his Mary in the arms of no other then Logan Huntzberger. He didn't know if he should cry or laugh. Logan Huntzberger had been his idol in high school, the stunts Logan and his friends pulled were legendary and any high society guy who was worth anything knew at least one of the infamous bunch. Tristan knew Logan from parties his mother forced him to go to, they'd been introduced to each other, but further contact wasn't there. Logan was older, had his steady group of friends and only seldom was someone new permitted to enter that circle; Tristan didn't belong to the lucky ones. But to him Logan Huntzberger had been god. He had the looks, the charm, the personality and succeeded in anything he tried. All Tristan had ever wanted was to be in the shoes of that man, but he couldn't. Seducing was Tristan's forte, he'd seduced every girls he wanted, excluding Mary who simply loathed him. Logan didn't need seducing, all he had to do was meet a girl's eye, even she stood across the room and they'd leave the room, she'd be his. Logan was a playboy, a charmer, a lady's man, Tristan was a seducer and skirt-chaser, it couldn't compare.

And now he watched the man he always wanted to be, kiss the girl he always wanted to have, life really had a weird sense of humor.

He only barely heard his mother as she came to stand beside him.

"Oh, look at them, Tristan! Aren't they perfect together? What I wouldn't give to be so young again. Lorelai went to school with you, didn't she? In Chilton before your father sent away? I heard she met the young Huntzberger in Yale. They'd been together for years! They'll definitely marry, Emily is already planning the wedding and I hear from Shira that her daughter Honor told her in confidence that Logan already has a ring. Maybe he'll propose tonight! Oh how delightful! There'd been gossip going around that he'd proposed to her three years ago and she'd said no, but that can't be true! I mean look at them, they are obviously very much in love! They'd been gone for two years, last year they came back together, apparently they'd been somewhere in California the whole time. Did you know that Logan has his own company and that Lorelai is a journalist working for the New York Times? I can't really say that I approve of her working, but I'm sure she'll stop as soon as they marry. They both accomplished so much; their families must burst from pride! Why don't you settle down, Tristan? Find a nice girl and marry her, it's not so hard, even Logan Huntzberger could do it, you sure can do it too if only you'd..."

The rest of her speech blurred together in a mix of pain, delirium and memories. He didn't know what to feel, what to think, or what to do. He watched his dream-girl dance with his idol and couldn't bring himself to be jealous of the man he admired, he just couldn't, Logan Hutntzberger's pull was over-powering, and Tristan would even give him the only girl he ever really loved without a fight. It was pointless, it was over, and his dreams were officially killed tonight.

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**AN: Please, please, please review!**


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